Wiz and Boomstick: About the Sonic Guard
by Roktoof
Summary: (This is not a Death Battle) While outside Death Battle, Wiz and Boomstick has something to analyze an upcoming fanfiction group: The Sonic Guard. Try to keep up on what they've analyzed.
1. Uploaded! Chapter

_Wiz: Allow me to introduce to you... the most powerful yet soon to be coming warriors of Warhammer 40k: the Sonic Guard._

_(cues The Last Stand by Sabaton)_

(scenes of them revealed Dangerios decapitating Cassie Cage and her mother Sonya Blade in one slash, Illisha firing lightning from her eyes and hands, zapping apart Shantae to pieces, Remus blowing Mine's head off from far away, Rev'Aris firing down on D.Va until she exploded, Rogen distintegrating Trish to bloody ashes while laughing manically, Dafzil crushing Ruby Rose's throat by snapping it like a twig singlehandedly, Gunrunna firing his big shoota, tearing down Cammy White, Kinessa and Lady to pieces, and Rhynamos devouring Chi-Chi and roaring in the sky)

**Boomstick: Wait a minute, the Sonic Guard? Are they bodyguards of Sonic the Hedgehog or something? Is Sonic a king to them or what?**

_Wiz: Not really. The Sonic Guard are the chosen champions that survives for 10 thousand years of war, heralded by the Gods of the Warp to protect Sonic the Hedgehog, as if he was the Pope._

B**oomstick: I... don't get it.**

_Wiz: Keep up. Reciting a bloodier and longer parody of the 1527 sacking of Rome, the Sonic Guard are bound by duty and honor. Tasked to keep Sonic's Ultimate Harem away from Sonic, the Sonic Guard was the perfect solution to combat the Harem. But it's merely a façade._

**Boomstick: Well, confusing or not, the Sonic Guard's kinda diverse in so many ways. There's Dangerios, the leader, Illisha, the space elf psychic, Remus, the best shot in the Sonic Guard, Rev'Aris, the giant mecha thing that packs heavy firepower, Rogen, the psychotic yet powerful sorcerer of Chaos-**

_Wiz: And Dafzil, the Necron Lord and vanguard, Rhynamos, the ever hungry Tyranid Hive Lord and Gunrunna, the best warrior/engineer of the Sonic Guard._

**Boomstick: But you said before that it was a farce. Why?**

_Wiz: Well, truth be told, the whole thing was a fake. In truth, the Gods of the Warp were becoming suicidal to the point where they believed that Sonic can help end their sufferable lives, thus they claim him as their property. And thus so, the tower they placed him in was part of a ritual where they begin to drop inches of their blood as it was needed to fuel him in that tower, which turned out to be a rocket ready to launch to the warp._

**Boomstick: So the gods the Sonic Guard prayed to just basically wanted Sonic to kill them?**

_Wiz: Yes indeed__. So as such, Sonic becomes techincally their property so the Gods of the Warp began to view the Harem as an obstruction of their ritual, and as a result, they've locked the Sonic Guard to war against them, to keep him away from them._

**Boomstick: Well given that they've killed so many women and girls in the Harem, almost 400 of them, to be frank, it's a huge surprise to see how they still win over them even if the Harem got the numbers against them.**

_Wiz: Right, as absurd as it may be, the Sonic Guard's ironclad discipline and sheer stubborness often helps them win over so many battles with the Harem... while not losing one of their own._

**Boomstick: Just look at those guys!**

(Dangerios: They tend to assault us in the front! Rev'Aris, Gunrunna, tear them down!)

(both Rev'Aris and Gunrunna assumed positions separately and fired their guns, tearing the assaulting Harem down in a hailing mix of plasma and gunfire while the rest stayed back to shoot down any of the Harem members that either have missed)

(cues Last Dying Breath by Sabaton)

_Wiz: The Sonic Guard often wins over the most impossible odds, no matter how insurmountable the circumstances might be._

**Boomstick: Well duh, even if they were surrounded or even flanked or attacked in the back, they still win... and kill tons of bitches by the thousands. They're totally unstoppable.**

_Wiz: Not beneficially. The Sonic Guard are extremely powerful, but what really counts is their main drawback._

(Dangerios: To dare submit to such deals, would mean deviation of duty!)

_Wiz: They're just too stubborn._

**Boomstick: Yeah, well even they got problems of their own, not even saying yes to even the sweetest deals the Harem makes all cause they knew that they just had to turn Sonic over to them. Plus, the Sonic Guard hate corruption and would do whatever it takes to avoid it.**

_Wiz: Well many of their victories often stem from teamwork, coordination and even solid defense, but also from supply shortages, reliance from G.U.N's supply support and logistical problems, which limits the Sonic Guard's offensive and counteroffensive operations. _

**Boomstick: But what was gonna happen to them afterwards?**

_Wiz: 7 of them left, leaving the last, Gunrunna alone, before the war between them and the Harem was over, because their gods claim that they want to discuss 'matters' with the seven of them._

**Boomstick: Warhammer seriously confuses me.**

_Wiz: Given it's extremely complex for the basic nerd, it is. But even then, the Sonic Guard are basically unstoppable, always prevailing, no matter how grim their circumstances might be._

(the Sonic Guard are seen, standing tall at the cliff with Dangerios carrying the banner with one hand)


	2. Bios: Team Order

_Wiz: The Sonic Guard are the most powerful of them all, always prevailing, always winning._

**Boomstick: And executing wounded bitches.**

(Remus: Come now, it cannot be that bad.)

(Gunrunna: So much fer dem fancy powaz uv yerz. Can't even save ya from dis!)

_(Gunrunna raises a pistol and fires a bullet at Cinder Fall, which blows her head off in a bloody mess)_

_Wiz: And who else to lead them is none other... than Dangerios Avellus._

(Dangerios: FOR THE EMPEROR!)

_(Dangerios raises his blade at Palutena, decapitating her instantly)_

**Boomstick: But Dangerios didn't really start off as that before.**

_Wiz: That's right, because before he was Dangerios, he was... Danger Duck from Loonatics Unleashed._

**Boomstick: Which turned out to be a meh type of a Saturday cartoon, except Duck's life turned for the worst.**

_Wiz: 7 years after the events of Loonatics Unleashed, Danger Duck began to doubt if he was any value to the Loonatics themselves, given that he babysitted King Tweetums before the latter was king-_

**Boomstick: He also stopped an invasion of fish people from Acmetropolis' seas after causing it and so much comic feats.**

_Wiz: Thus these doubts began to echo across the Warp, in the ears of the God-Emperor of Man._

**Boomstick: That's him?! That's the Emperor?! He looks nothing more than some thousand year old skeleton king in a throne. (coughs) Well, eventually, this skeleton dude just turned out to be some kind of super psychic, which Duck was never aware of until... he got killed.**

_Wiz: See, when the Loonatics were sent to apprehend an evil scientist bent on turning a planet's inhabitants to his slaves with some kind of mind control technique, the fight was on... until there was a sacrifice._

**Boomstick: Yeah, really there was. Given that is was going to be by poisoning the planet with some weird looking hydrogen bombs, Duck just jumped in to be the very hero he wanted to be, at the cost of his life. He jumped in there, and rammed the ship he was flying at the bomb bay before the bombs would drop and...**

_(the ship carrying the bombs explode)_

_Wiz: Yeah, that. But it was not over for Duck, however. His soul went at the audience of the Emperor, whom he argued with about letting him to his fate, but..._

(GEOM: At the cost of what? You would never have the chance to become the perfect hero you've always wanted to be.)

(Duck: (in tears) I couldn't have...)

_Wiz: From that point on, Duck began to wallow in his anger and emotion at himself for his own selfishness, then asked the Emperor of what can he do to redeem himself, and as a result, the Emperor used his powers to turn him into religion, mostly into the Imperial Cult, advanced combat, and the process of turning Duck... into an Adeptus Astartes._

**Boomstick: Better yet known... as a freakin' Space Marine.**

_Wiz: On that day, Danger Duck was reborn... as Dangerios Avellus._

**Boomstick: But Dangerios was way more powerful than your average Space Marine.**

_Wiz: That's right, Dangerios' superhuman prowess and physique and skill was way more above than even the Primaris Space Marines, almost on par with the Primarchs._

**Boomstick: Are they like the kind of superman type of Space Marines or something.**

_Wiz: Sort of. The Primarchs are actually the more powerful clones created by the God Emperor of Man, in which there were only 18 found, the other 2 weren't found anywhere else.__ Dangerios is almost as powerful as they are._

**Boomstick: Well given that Space Marines are total badasses in Warhammer 40k, Dangerios stands out as the most, though he's forgotten! He can take damage from heavy hitters like Android 18 and She-Hulk and still stand tall as if they were nothing, crazy enough to hold his ground against Team RWBY all by himself, react faster than the average Space Marine, and even durable enough to climb to the top of Mount Everest.**

_Wiz: Which is totally impressive, given no one else before Dangerios did, and those hikers surely didn't count, given that it was extremely dangerous for even the physically peak man to just climb on Mount Everest. He's also skilled enough to overpower Erza Scarlet and Esdeath, precise enough to cut 18's limbs off before crushing her skull, and smart enough to coordinate defensive tactics to counter the Harem's disorganized attacks._

**Boomstick: Damn, that's total badassery at 40 thousand times higher!**

_Wiz: There's more to that Boomstick. After being recreated by the God Emperor, Dangerios then met and made comradery and brotherhood out of the 7 other warrior that were to be the future Sonic Guard, and together, they made an unstoppable team, going to war against the Harem at their gods' commands._

**Boomstick: And he got himself some hefty kills... which were all women. Bastards.**

_Wiz: For once I agree. But even then, he was also powerful enough to kill Palutena, the Goddess of Light, resilent enough to fight Supergirl, and strong enough to lift an entire building down on top of the Harem._

**Boomstick: Damn that was strong, but you'd be wrong to think that Dangerios is a perfect warrior.**

_Wiz: That's right, Dangerios does have his fair share of weaknesses, though one stands out above them all:_

(_Dangerious screams a war cry as he charges at the Har__em's Yoko Littner_)

_Wiz: He's just too reckless._

**Boomstick: Yeah, well, he always rushes into battle first in the fight without help, given that he's aware of this and hasn't really done much to change this, so he makes due of his capabilities.**

_Wiz: Plus, his recklessness limits his resistance to psychics, and while he is faster than the average Space Marine, his armor often slows his mobility and manuvering. Also, his tactics are quite inconsistent, not always working out the way he wants it to be, but still effective in keeping the Harem away from Sonic._

**Boomstick: Still, there is a good reason why Dangerios is the leader, because he will lead himself and the Sonic Guard to victory, coming down on the Harem like a rolling cloud of raging thunder.**

(_Dangerios then shouts "For Our Gods, ATTACK!" and charges at the demoralized Harem with the Sonic Guard_)

_Wiz: (ahem) Among the 7 of those tranformed from their old lives to their new ones, Illisha Ulthran is the exception, alongside being the only woman in the Sonic Guard._

**Boomstick: Well sure she's a beaut, and doesn't really look muscular, but despite being a bit lanky, Illisha is the most powerful psyker of the Sonic Guard, just on equal with Rogen.**

(Illisha: I have come so far to destroy you all! Now feel the wrath of the Gods!)

_Wiz: But Illisha had no previous foreign life, she started off as a native born in the unforgiven, warborn universe of Warhammer 40k, in the Craftworld known as Ulthwe._

**Boomstick: Craft-what? You're making this up!**

_Wiz: I'm not, see the Eldar once conquered the stars millennia ago, but thanks to their arrogance and greed, they've really discarded their hard work for pettiness, until they were brought to near extinction by the creation of the 4th Chaos God, Slaanesh._

**Boomstick: Holy shit! All those souls for one god?! That's totally fucked up!**

_Wiz: And as a result, the surviving Eldar, mostly those in space, evacuated those who survived in those planets, resided in these giant super spaceships called Craftworlds, and went off to hide in the deepest shrouds._

**Boomstick: Shoot, those ships are even jacked up! No wonder the Eldar are techies techies. They made those to sustain themselves!**

_Wiz: Uh yeah, due to the fact that they're on near extinction. But anyway, Illisha was born as the eldest son of Eldrad Ulthran, the most powerful Eldar Farseer of all time. _

**Boomstick: Can't blame her, given that she was trained for war to become a ruthless type.**

_Wiz: Illisha never had a happy life, but she wasn't abused by her father either. When she was 5, she was trained by the Phoenix Lords and Eldrad himself. Mostly, she was trained in sword mastery by Karandras, heavy weapons use by Fuegan and Maugan-Ra, flight and jetpack combat by Irillyth and Baharroth-_

**Boomstick: And weapons training and tactics from Asurmen and screaming skills from Jain Zar. Damn, she screams louder than my ex-wife! But most importantly, psyker powers from her old man.**

_Wiz: All this training primed her for battle and Illisha went to war too early 3 years ago, killing her first enemy at about 8 years old, during her earlier stages of training._

_(Illisha decapitates a Nob with her sword in a jumping swing)_

_Wiz: This initiates Illisha's entry to war and she soon went to battle at the age of 16, and spent 10 thousand years of war and strife, including one where she singlehandedly eliminated a Chaos invasion with only just a dozen Howling Banshees. _

**Boomstick: Until a fleet of them arrived and bit her back fatally in the ass. But Illisha wasn't going down so easily, as she rammed the frigate she was sailing to the Chaos main battleship, effectively killing her in the process.**

_Wiz: But Illisha wasn't going to die so easily, she was resurrected and handpicked by Kaela Mensha Khaine to stand with her future comrades, the Sonic Guard._

_(Illisha jumped down in front of the Sonic Guard, with spear in hand)_

(Illisha: You can claim Sonic... from our corpses!)

**Boomstick: Her psychic powers are top notch! She's powerful enough to go toe to toe with psychics like Emma Frost and Jean Grey, brought down Ochako Uraraka like a rock impaled on a drill, beat Black Canary in a screaming contest, just by raising her voice to 11 thousand! More than enough to blow her brains off, literally!**

_Wiz: Not to mention that she's several thousand times stronger than the average Eldar. She can lift and move 50 tons, tank normally fatal hits from Baiken, and magic from Rias Gremory and Morrigan Aensland and durable enough to survive a fall in about 1000 feet high. She's also powerful enough to create a city destroying Psychic Storm. Also, she's fast enough to keep up with lightning quick fighters like Bayonetta and Ruby Rose._

**Boomstick: She can even take a lot of punches to the face by Yang Xiao Long, and still stand, with barely a scratch, and precise enough to cut Kurome down to size. And also creative enough to throw a Plasma Grenade at a leaking gas tank, which caused a chain reaction... that killed Chun-Li and Cassie Cage.**

_Wiz: With so much talent and power, for an space elf, Illisha has prevailed with the Sonic Guard, against all odds, but her self awareness also reminds her that she is by no means, a perfect soldier. She's very powerful, but she's equaled by Rogen and second only to her father._

**Boomstick: Yeah, even Illisha herself has downsides: she's really arrogant like most Eldar before and after her, which has brought her to trouble more than once. Plus, her strength and durability has limits, as she can't push past them, and she's not exactly recommended for solo operations, as she's too frail to carry out missions all by herself yet still she does so with ease.**

_Wiz: But even then, despite all that, Illisha Ulthran always makes it on top, standing above, one day, surpassing Eldrad._

_(Illisha then stabbed Makoto Nanaya, decapitated Soi Fon and impaled the brain of Lilith Aensland)_

(Illisha: WHO ELSE DARES TO STAND AGAINST ME?!)

**Boomstick: Alongside the Space Marines, the Imperial Guard are well known. What they don't have for the power of one, they have only in numbers and tons and tons of fucking powerful tanks!**

_Wiz: Indeed, Imperial Guardsmen always compensate for their shortcoming physique of Space Marines with super heavy firepower, strength in numbers and varied armored vehicles, the most notable of them all is the Leman Russ Tank._

**Boomstick: And oh boy, who leads them is none other than the Lord General, Remus Ratterus.**

(Remus: One shot, one kill.)

_(Remus fires a high powered round, which blew Mine's head off in a bloody mess)_

**Boomstick: But Remus surely never started out that way when he was a kid.**

_Wiz: He was indeed Remy Markene Rat, a ACME Looniversity graduate, who graduated with high honors, which has stemmed from his orphanage at birth. He never heard of his parents and aspired to become an comedic actor. He escaped the life of the slums of Paris, France to live in the friendly, lighthearted environment of the Hollywood, where he was accepted by it's toon department. They sent him to the university and he graduated after four years, at the age of fourteen._

**Boomstick: But before he can get to work, Remy got caught in a maintenance accident which brought down 450 pounds worth of expensive equipment down on top of him. That accident costed well over several million dollars.**

_Wiz: That's... actually correct. Anyway, it wasn't over for Remy, as his aspirations pretty much made the God Emperor a good laugh. But The Emperor had plans for the amnesiac Remy, he then recreated him as a human, mostly a Cadian general who had 10 thousand years worth of experience, yet forgotten, and implicated all that millitary experience right on Remy's mind, effective recreating him as... Remus Ratterus._

(Remus: Must you all die like miserable hungry dogs?)

_Wiz: Ever since then, Remus had been the hot shot of the group, often covering them from a distance far away that not even the most accurate sniper can track him down. _

**Boomstick: He's gotta be the Simo Hayha of the Sonic Guard, except with the camouflage and winter part, partially because he's so accurate, he can snipe an expert sniper like Mine from about 10,000 metres away, which is nearly 5 times longer than the most accurate shot ever recorded. **

_Wiz: Since the longest shot belonged to a Canadian sniper that shot down a IS insurgent in about 3540 miles, nearly two miles away, Remus' current record is almost 4 times the longer, about 5 miles away from his target. Preferably, Remus is so accurate, that he shot down a Chaos Lord from about 500,000 miles away in a hive he and his regiment was holding. _

**Boomstick: Remus' sniping prowess has often given him more than enough reason to join the Sonic Guard, but he's also not accurate, he's creative. He can use the environment of the battlefield against his enemies should they stumble across things they shouldn't be around, like gas tanks, exploding cars and so many more. What also counts is his combat prowess, without the sniper rifle, he's resourceful enough to use whatever he gets his hands on, good enough with his sword to go sword fighting with... Weiss Schnee?! **

_Wiz: He's taken down the Harem's sharpshooters like Yoko Littner, Kinessa, Mine and even it's hardest hitters like Supergirl, Captain Marvel and accurate enough to bring a massive support down on Nora Valkyrie. He's also strong enough to lift his own sniper rifle with one hand, tough enough to endure several arrows from Thorn and smart enough to predict his enemy's next moves. _

**Boomstick: And damn, no wonder why's he's hardly instrumental in the war effort. I mean, look at his sniper rifle, while regular snipers can carry their own rifles with two hands, Remus just straight up carries his own one handed and uses it with deadly accuracy, like a fucking boss! It's accurate enough to fire a million miles, and has a system which prevents Remus from cleaning it up. He also has a ton of guns like laser pistol, boltgun and so much more standard issued guns used by the Imperium of Man.**

_Wiz: It's been outfitted with a high-powered scope and a variety of ammunition, such as incendiary, cryo, shock, concussion, armor piercing, high explosive, and Kryptonite, but Remus' most preferred favorite is the High-Powered Shot, which is powerful enough to destroy a sun in a single shot from ground level._

_(Remus fires the High-Powered Shot at a sun, which exploded) _

**Boomstick: Damn that's dangerous. It might be the most riskiest move Remus can pull off. **

_Wiz: Not really, Boomstick. But Remus does have his fair share of weaknesses: He can carry so much ammunition at once and has to make every shot count, he carries lighter armor which can guarantee his higher mobility but with less protection from anything, and he's kind of cocky and a bit of a fraud sometimes, claiming kills with gorier efficiency, though Gunrunna always corrects him. _

(Remus: Though it is true that I indeed vanquished that wretched white demon, known as Weiss Schnee with my blade.)

(Gunrunna: Yew traded choppaz wiv each uvva to a stalemate till yew used a pole to stab Weiss right in da 'eart fore yew cut 'er 'ead off!)

**Boomstick: But even still, with these flaws in hand, Remus is a hell of a sniper. Maybe he can be the best of the best snipers.**

_(Remus arrives with sniper rifle holstered but with power saber and laspistol in hand)_

(Remus: If you insist that this is how you want it to be, so be it.)

_Wiz: The Tau Empire. A race of technologically advanced aliens, on par with the Eldar._

**Boomstick: Oh yeah, like the Blue Man Group, but with guns and giant robot suits that reassembles the giant Japanese robots like the Gundam.**

_Wiz: And that's only the beginning for Commander Rev'Aris._

_(Rev'Aris comes down crashing)_

(Rev'Aris: In the name of the Greater Good, you shall be exterminated.)

_Wiz: Yet like the rest of the 7 Sonic Guard, Rev'Aris didn't really start off that way._

**Boomstick: Yeah, well, back then, he was Alan Revforque, a Lylatian Bengal tiger born in Titania. Alan didn't really have a good life, since his mom died when he was 13 by an accident and when his dad got alcoholic and tried to beat the shit out of Alan, he got the short end of the stick since Alan ripped his throat out with a bottle.**

_Wiz: As a result, Alan ran away and became a bounty hunter/mercenary, having trained in combat by retired bounty hunters. He hadn't quite got a good reputation due to his unpopularity._

**Boomstick: And while Alan was the best of the best, he wasn't well liked and he was never trusted to do anything since no one believed he could get anything right. But the jobs he's done were big wins, and he's never really blew it. **

_Wiz: But his hard living lifestyle has threatened to jeopardize his career. When not in work, he has lived on cigars, alcohol and women. Till one day, Alan met his fate when he was hired by the Cornerian Armed Forces to eliminate Dash Bowman, which ended miserably. _

_(Dash Bowman watches sadistically as his soldiers tear Alan apart to pieces like mincemeat) _

_Wiz: But it was not over for Alan, at least not yet. Since the Tau didn't worship any of the Gods born in the Warp, Alan's soul was transferred to a newborn Tau who was then trained in the Fire Caste, who later on became an Elite. This alone, and the new reverence of utilizing the battlesuits, reserved for the best Fire Warriors, despite being unnamed, the Tau killed so many by the millions for 10 thousand years. And it was then he chose a name more memorable to most: Rev'Aris. _

**Boomstick: And it was then that he became Shas'O. Hey Wiz, what the hell is that?**

_Wiz: It's literally the Tau Lexicon word for "Commander". _

**Boomstick: Wait, what?! He gets to kill people for ten thousand years and he gets to be promoted to a friggin Commander?! What the bloody fuck?! I'd literally wish I was the commander of my own anti-bug military force. **

_Wiz: Moving on Boomstick. Anyhow, as Commander of his own Sept, the Rev'Andri Sept, Rev'Aris has successfully thrived and led his warriors to success for 10 thousand years of war, effectively like his idol, Commander Farsight. _

**Boomstick: But how did he live that long? Didn't he just die of old age, or something?**

_Wiz: No idea, but it was theorized that resurrection by the Gods of the Warp would mean that side-effects mean immortality/longevity, meaning that Rev'Aris has never aged for 10 thousand years._

**Boomstick: Wiz, if I die like that, you better hope I don't come back as many of that. **

_Wiz: I doubt it. But anyway, Rev'Aris has since then joined the Sonic Guard all alone when his entire Sept was wiped out following the Fall of Cadia, forcing Rev'Aris to leave the 40k galaxy, joining the Sonic Guard in the process. _

**Boomstick: But Revy here couldn't go to battle against those bitches without a suit that's the perfect tool for the job.**

_Wiz: Known considerably as the XV-97 Revenger/Starstrike._

**Boomstick: This baby is like a gigantic mix of Iron Man and Gundam alike, given that it can fly at lightspeeds, survive in outer space, and enter reentry with ease. But what really counts is it's shitload of totally awesome weaponry! While Rev'Aris has usually went to battle with a plasma rifle and a plasma Gatling gun known as Burst Cannon, he actually has more than that. **

_Wiz: The Revenger battlesuit sports about over a dozen weapons made for combat and has tons on in suit gadgetry. There's a flamethrower, shoulder missile launchers, a jump pack made for surprise attacks-_

**Boomstick: And even crushing any unlucky bastard under his foot, using them as living landing pads. No, really. **

_(Rev'Aris jumped high and landed roughly, using a wounded Hinata Hyuga as a landing pad) _

_Wiz: a in-built radar with 720 degrees range, a Rail Rifle, an giant EMP cannon, a marker light spotter used for Skyray Barrages that he can call from outer space via the Walking Beacon, which is the Sonic Guard's Space Hulk and capital flagship, a nearly half a dozen fusion cannons, a grenade launcher that fires fusion grenades and heavy variants of the usual weapons he wields, even one powerful enough to destroy a Titan in a single shot. _

**Boomstick: Damn, that's an awesome load of weaponry. But weapons alone aren't what the armor relies on, it's extremely resilient, even without shields, it can tank even the most heaviest hits without falling apart from Kade and even super strong beings like Power Girl, durable enough to survive fall from orbit and precise enough that it's onboard precision system even allows it to dodge even the most unavoidable attacks. Hell, it's shields can even deflect lightsabers and laser bolts, and plasma shots and ricochet a Kamehameha back at the user. **

_Wiz: And with this suit, Rev'Aris then went on to victory. While he was a mere soldier standing against even the most strongest beings, he's proven that even the technology of Tau can bolster the Gods of the Warp's claim to Sonic, in his own style. With the suit, he's strong enough to kick back a wrecking ball, fast enough to travel in space with no issue via lightspeed, and brilliant enough to outsmart opponents who use brute force. _

**Boomstick: With this baby, he can totally wipe out an army, but Rev'Aris isn't reliant on the suit's capabilities alone. The suit specializes in adapting and changing weapons via rapid-construct technology that allows him to change weapons and gadgets if necessary. He can totally mow down an army with ease with this suit. **

_Wiz: But for it's power, it's hardly perfect in it's own right. _

**Boomstick: This armored suit's durability can last for way too long, but it's weapons and gadgetry are rarely inconsistent, and can confuse Rev'Aris if he switches too quickly. **

_Wiz: Rev'Aris often stays back in ranged as the suit itself is not designed for melee combat, and thus, he doesn't really engage in melee. Plus, the suit doesn't have an ejection system, and should it be destroyed, it could just repair itself automatically in mere minutes, but when he's out of the suit, Rev'Aris can certainly last for so long fighting in ranged and melee combat and has to be rescued by his fellow Guardsmen. But despite that it's not designed for hand to hand, Rev'Aris makes use of it by kicking, with kicks and leg strikes similar to Crane and Taekwondo. _

**Boomstick: But then again, even if these flaws, Rev'Aris is one, plasma shooting, gear grinding, flesh stomping machine. He's never one to back down in a fight, with or without the suit. **

_(Rev'Aris then came down, with twin Burst Cannons in hand, and fires a wide arc at the Harem, tearing down those unlucky enough to get caught by it.) _

(Rev'Aris: Thus I shall strike the Killing Blow down on the Harem! You shall NEVER pass!)

* * *

**AN: That's only the part one of the entire BIO. But then again, if Lil Soniq is reading this, I assure him that this is not meant to upset or offend him in any way. Dun ferget ta R&R, ya gitz! **


	3. Bios: Team Disorder

**Boomstick: Chaos... the Warhammer one, not the Sonic one, tends to corrupt and conquer all it sees and touches, turning those who pray for it great power at the cost of sanity. You got a cult of disgusting things that look and smelled like they've never, EVER taken a bath from birth, a cult of bloodthirsty psycho maniacs only going out to find battle for blood and heads like raging fratboys on steroids, a cult of lying assholes that would stab you in the back if given the chance, and a cult of rapists, pedophiles and sadists with weird types of fetishes, like pain, sex, rape and tentacles. **

_Wiz: Indeed, Chaos is the most disturbing faction of Warhammer 40k. But second to that of the legendary sorcerer Ahzek Ahriman is... Rogen. _

_(Rogen laughs maniacally as he approaches, crushing the head of Tali'Zorah underneath his foot) _

(Rogen: You must be fools to dare claim Sonic as your own!)

**Boomstick: Really?**

_Wiz: Yes, apparently. Rogen himself is the second most powerful psyker, on par with Illisha but is yet to beat Ahriman._

_(Rogen raises Yoruichi Shihoin, Samara, Sarah Bryant, Cana Alberona, Kyoka Jiro, and Twintelle telekinetically then forms a fist, turning the women caught in his telepathic grasp to bloody messes) _

**Boomstick: But like the 7 others, Rogen surely didn't start off that way. He was Roger Rat, the famed toon actor who was soon to be washed up movie star since he planned to retire, after mentoring Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, the latter became Dafzil the Dangerous.**

_Wiz: See, Roger had fame and fortune in his hands, but he was not like any other who had fame in his head. He was so cautious of his career yet he did succeed with flying colors, making him a vaudeville extrodanaire, that is until he ran to a thug._

**Boomstick: Turns out Roger got too old to do tricks outside the stage, and as a result, the thug killed him.**

_(the thug shot Roger three times but ran away as security arrived on the scene)_

_Wiz: And that is when the Chaos Gods then claimed Roger's soul. They tortured and imbued him with their twisted power, wisdom and combat skills._

**Boomstick: That... doesn't sound like initiation. **

_Wiz: No Boomstick, it's way more worse. So after 5 decades... of well constant torture, and enduring the horrors of Chaos, which jumpstarted the process of turning Roger into the most craziest madman of Chaos, he gave in to the power bestowed on him and it made him stronger, faster and much more powerful, sorcerer of Chaos. He declared that Roger Rat has died, and Rogen, Sorcerer of Tzeentch, has been reborn._

_(Rogen displays his crazy psyker powers such as Warpfire, Doombolt and so much more powers, including one which include one Tsuyu Asui dying instantly of a blood rush then laughs insanely)_

**Boomstick: Okay, that's just plainly sick. But like the rest of the Sonic Guard, Rogen has survived for ten thousand years of war, often ravaging where his enemies are at the weakest.**

_Wiz: Be they Imperial, Ork or anyone else, Rogen's crusade scarred the galaxy, nearly splitting it in half. But it bored him and so he left, meeting up with the 7 that will soon be the Sonic Guard._

**Boomstick: Well, that being said, Rogen was valuable in that war. He can burn down about 5 million acres with Warpfire, obliterate armies with Doombolt and is so good with lightning that he can call massive volts of them from the air. Other than casting it himself, of course.**

_Wiz: But his power goes beyond mere sorcery. He can talk to people telepathically and taunt them, as his voice can drive even a hardened soul and mind insane, lift about 50 thousand tons with his TK, and crush 6 or more women with this psychokinetic grip, just by closing his fist._

**Boomstick: This guy has tons and tons of different spells. Hell, he can create an giant demonic statue out of thin air, summon demons to assist him and also control minds, in which he controls them until they die. Hell, he can also cause a storm that calls down fireballs, shred down souls caught in it's range and drive even the strongest souls to insanity. Anyone caught in this storm will die quickly.**

_Wiz: But that's not it. Even so, his spells go more into geological and matter, soul manipulation and technological control. He overrode Hana Song'__s MEKA at just a wave of the palm, hacked to a computer without touching it, ripped out hundreds of souls with a pull motion from his hand, destroy a soul to oblivion, caused a chaotic earthquake with just his staff and entangle 30 women with just the ground, and killed them all with just a closing of his fist._

**Boomstick: With that, and with so many spells and magic sorcery tricks capable in obliterating the strongest soul, Rogen is totally powerful. Though he's never surpassed Ahriman.**

_Wiz: That being said, Rogen equals Illisha in psyker powers. Plus, his main downside is his apparent devious insanity, which doesn't really drive him overconfident, but it actually allows him to laugh incessantly in the battle. leaving him quite exposed to a critical hit that doesn't really bring him down._

**Boomstick: Still, yet even so, Rogen is indeed one powerful maniac that you don't wanna be around, cause the last thing he will ever will do to you, is turn you to meat and drink your blood. Really.**

_(Rogen then approaches a wounded Jinx) _

(Rogen: You must be suffering so badly like an animal. Would you like me to ease your pain?)

_Wiz: The Necrons. Nightmarish machines with technology equaled by none and living metallic lives which prevents them from dying like a mere mortal. These machines are your worst nightmare. _

**Boomstick: Can't say, how they got guns, weapons, powers and transports never heard of anyone in the 40k universe. I mean look at that! Those... pyramid things are what these robots live, and all it takes for them to get activated so that they may march onward to eliminate any organic life at all! They're all but unstoppable! **

_Wiz: While they're based on the Ancient Egyptians, the Necrons were previously known as the Necrontyr, and yes, they were once organic beings themselves. But the world they live in just found out to be an apparent hell, and so they left it, and constructed an entire galaxy wide empire, almost on equal with the Eldar, who had their own Empire before it fell apart. _

**Boomstick: But thanks to the War of Heaven, in which gods became douchebags and went to war with each other, it turned the once peaceful Warp into a nightmarish hellscape where many souls are swept aside like tides, only the demons are surfing and sailing around in such. **

_Wiz: The Necrontyr then went on to worship the C'tan, or known by Chaos as the Star Gods, and as a result, they were tricked so badly, they were turned to robots and rested in the catacombs of the grounds they resided for millions of years. Until one day, discoveries of them disturbed them as a whole and they, while not reunited, rose up and travel across the stars to destroy all organic life, while trying to get back to their old bodies._

**Boomstick: But Dafzil the Dangerous, Overlord of the Unknown Dynasty surely didn't stand out as one of them. **

_Wiz: That's right. Dafzil was Daffy Duck, a type of duck that served as a mere rejection and a dunce. _

**Boomstick: Daffy though just had a poor streak of success, but that didn't bother his fellow Looney Tunes, who ignored him and barely paid attention to him most of the time, so as a result, while they were having a speech, Daffy went on top of the ACME studios and shouted out loud his newfound hate of life. **

(Daffy: IS THIS WHAT LIFE HAS IN PLAN FOR ME?! IS THIS WHAT IT REWARDS ME AFTER ALL THE WORK I HAVE DONE?! THE PEOPLE I'VE WORKED WITH JUST WALKED AWAY FROM ME?! THEN I WON'T ACCEPT IT! I HATE LIFE! I CURSE LIFE! AND I HOPE THAT LIFE ITSELF BE SOMETHING THAT CAN GO TO HELL!)

_Wiz: Which shocked his coworkers. But Daffy didn't care about it anymore, he quit his job, he destroyed his achievements and lived on some run down motel, where he relished his sorrows with alcohol and drugs. He refused and rejected visitors, threatened anyone who dared to break in, even criminals and contemplated on how to attempt suicide. The result was extremely disastrous. Daffy then broke in the ACME studio, activated a cement mixer to dump cement and dived down with it. The incident itself costed Warner Bros well about several billion dollars. _

**Boomstick: That much money for a washed up actor and a cement truck? Hollywood's gotta have some expensive shit right there. Anyway, Daffy himself got an audience with the Star Gods, and they sympathized with him. **

(Deceiver: We understand your concerns and your shortcomings and your failures in the theater. But you must understand that there is more than the spotlight itself. There are ways you can prove yourself.)

_Wiz: They fused their powers together to create and empower Daffy. They made him the most powerful Necron ever.__ On par with Trazyn the Infinite. _

**Boomstick: He wasn't Daffy Duck anymore... he was Dafzil the Dangerous.**

_(Dafzil rose from the ground, appearing in front of any of the terrified Harem standing nearby)_

(Dafzil: Your claim of Sonic's reproduction life is misplaced, thus you shall be wiped out from the face of this planet.)

_Wiz: Yes he was. But since then-_

**Boomstick: Standing about taller than the average Necron Lord and heavier than one along with a voice that's a mix of techno and horror combined, Dafzil is extremely dangerous, hence his title.**

_Wiz: It's kinda true. With that in mind, he's eons more powerful than the average Necron, and possibly Trazyn. He's strong enough to lift the super heavy Baneblade and an Imperator Titan, tough enough to endure a stomp from the said Titan, and Exterminatus and the planet destroying laser from the Chaos flagship known as Planet Killer, fast enough to outpace Necron Lords, smart enough to command an army of Flayed Ones as surprise units and powerful enough to take on juggernauts like Dreadnoughts and the super heavy walker Dreadknight._

**Boomstick: But Dafzil stood out, wiping clean of life within his territory, and neighboring planets, then neighboring systems called Segmentums for 10 thousand years, effectively bringing his dynasty to victory.**

_Wiz: Dafzil then departed alone, meeting up with the Sonic Guard after being told by the C'tan that he will meet with them. And meet them he did. He proved to be extremely powerful in their cause to defend Sonic from his own harem._

**Boomstick: Well duh he is! He tanked blows from Supergirl, Red She-Hulk and** **Kade, survived even the most powerful moves like the Kamehameha, cut apart half a dozen bitches in his way with his scythe thing in one slash, strong enough to rip out the spine of Sakura Haruno, crushed Seryu's skull in a single grip, and rammed his way through the Harem, sending bodies, blood, guts and limbs hitting the floor!**

_Wiz: He's tactful enough to analyze and predict his enemies' move and attacks at a glance, capable enough to fight alone overnight with no sleep, and is the only member of the Sonic Guard to never even sleep a wink AT ALL, due to the fact that he's a machine, not an organic being._

**Boomstick: With that in mind, it was a total surprise that Dafzil stood out, and made instant carnage into the Harem, turning those bitches, or any of them dumb enough to get in his way, to chopped meat in a slaughterhouse. Yum.**

_Wiz: He's literally done so much for himself and the Sonic Guard, and Jesus, he seemed unstoppable when he fights. He also goes into battle with ths tools Necron Lords use for battle. Other than the Warscythe that he carries to battle, he also has a variety of Gauss and Tesla weaponry, like a gauntlet blaster, a giant Tesla cannon, a railgun, a sword that emits high frequency that slices the hardest steel in halves, and a staff that shoots lightning. He can even call down lightning from the sky too! _

**Boomstick: Hell, this guy's targeting system is precise enough to hit targets point blank and quick enough to catch Tracer off guard, by bitch slapping her so hard that she flew to a store with glass shards all over her body and Chronal Accelerator, while she was running, of course. **

_Wiz: There's more to than that Boomstick. He can emit a storm that can blind anyone in it's vicinity, and yet he can see them, for a minute, call down a lightning storm that can obliterate a massive battlefield in mere seconds, possess machines and hack them to their will,_ _and has an major regeneration system that allows him to regrow missing body parts, thanks to his Necrodermis body._

**Boomstick: Necro-what?**

_Wiz: Necrodermis. The metal which Necrons are made out of. This is no ordinary space metal, this is one flexible, regenerative metal that can close up even the most fatal wounds inflicted on Necrons. This renders even a single Necron in battle nearly invincible._

**Boomstick: With that in mind, Dafzil is totally unstoppable. But, he's not exactly perfect.**

_Wiz: He has the lowest kill count of the Sonic Guard, having killed less than a hundred of them, mainly because he prefers tactics over combat, though his tactical expertise isn't as brilliant as Dangerios. Also, if his joints are struck, then he can't move them for three minutes or less, if he gets struck with acid, though it will not last long as his major healing factor can close up the damage caused by acid._

**Boomstick: Still yet, Dafzil is one bad space metal Egyptian motherfucker that you can't survive against.**

_(Dafzil then disarms Ruby Rose and raises her high by the throat)_

(Dafzil: Ah, Ruby Rose, you are quite formidable for a young woman. But you have made a grave error spending your life for a night with Sonic.)

_(Ruby kicks Dafzil rather ineffectively, prompting Dafzil to lower down, facing Ruby and looking at her in the eyes)_

(Dafzil: A fatal mistake.)

_(After some time, Dafzil then raises her high and kills Ruby by snapping her throat like a twig just by crushing it in his iron grip, then drops the body) _

_Wiz: Among the most bizzare terrors of Warhammer 40k, the Tyranids are the most terrifying. They surround the universe like sharks around a prey, attack their enemies in uncountable numbers, and assimilate life itself to evolve._

**Boomstick: Just like the Zerg from Starcraft, except they don't really stop for anything. ****Really. They don't stop from one planet to another. They just keep on going to planet after planet after planet.**

_Wiz: And within then is pretty much the most venerable Tyranid that ever lived: Rhynamos._

_(Rhynamos approaches out from a cloud of miasma and then approaches menacingly then roars an ear shattering war cry)_

**Boomstick: The origins of Rhynamos are a mystery. Some say it was an abomination created by all the weird brain things called Hive Minds, meant to reunite the splintered Tyranids into a unified force, some say it was a creature created as a super soldier from the planet Tyran, and the Imperials say it was an alien creature ravaging on their worlds and leave nothing but ruins, and some say it was a monstrous cannibal feasting on friend and foe alike. Just like my ex-wife on a Las Vegas buffet.**

_Wiz: In truth, the creature was created from a Rock type Pokèmon called Rhyhorns, one that came from a safari from the Sinnoh region, where it was tenacious and greedy, often winning over the inferior and superior Pokèmon no matter what type it was, establish it's dominant supremacy in that safari, while evading trainers on a daily basis and rarely raping the female trainers. Till one day, the Rhyhorn fell to the lake he was drinking water from and drowned._

**Boomstick: And yet the Gods of the Warp just threw it's soul at the Tyranid homeworld of... Tyran and dumped it in an egg where it fell at it's acid pool, absorbing it so much that it rose, bigger heavier, stronger, faster and more powerful than the average Tyranid Hive Lord.**

_Wiz: And from that point on, the Hive Lord pillaged and massacred at any enemy it finds, often winning over them and absorbing it's biomass for more power. This impressed the Gods of the Warp so much that they sent it with the Sonic Guard, where it became loyal to the group autonomously._

**Boomstick: It's a real monster coming to life! It can stop an incoming train while standing still, throw a meat hook thing at 500 miles, and smart enough to camouflage and blend in the environment to feast on it's prey, like the Predator, without the technology.**

_Wiz: It can also withstand a beating from Android 21 and and many more hard hitters, run fast enough to evade capture despite it's size, and resilient enough to take a supercharged blast, and regenerate in a matter of seconds_.

**Boomstick: It's been at that for 10 thousand years. Not even the greatest hero can even bring it down. The Harem was seriously nothing more but a buffet of biomass and meat, one that Rhynamos wouldn't refuse to feast. Plus, it does have the tools of a hunter for the job.**

_Wiz: Right. Rhynamos has the weapons suitable for hunting and warfare. It has four talons suitable for killing in close combat, a pair of giant lobster claws that can rip even the strongest metal apart, a hand cannon that can destroy groups in a single shot, a grenade launcher that melts anything in it's radius with acidic residue that eats away anything in contact, and has also the abilities to carry out a variety of situations._

**Boomstick: It also has a load of abilities like a supercharged acid spit, which can destroy anything at hypersonic speeds, even the hardest skin can't resist it, with the power of a 500cm smoothbore artillery shell, can call down minions from the sky to assist him, from a squad of Gaunts to the biggest Tyranid, a regeneration and resurrection factor that allows it to come back to life should it be destroyed, some kind of teleportation and a powerful ramming attack which knocks over anything. Damn, it's got the tools and the power for war. **

_Wiz: I should remind you that it's the only Sonic Guardsman that is genderless in any way and the only Sonic Guardsman that has no weakness, but it is not invincible either. It can be brought down, but it can just come back to life anyway, more dangerous than ever._

**Boomstick: But regardless of what has been said, Rhynamos is one killing and eating machine.**

_(Rhynamos stands tall over the remains of it's devoured victims and roars so loud that it shatters ears of those nearby)_

_Wiz: The Orks are the oldest types of aliens created by the Old Ones, to fight an destroy the Necrons, which is what the Eldar does in a regular basis in the present time of Warhammer 40k._

**Boomstick: They're pretty much the comic relief of the series, thanks to their terrible language, technology that looks like they could blow up when they're turned on and their weird accents when they speak.**

_Wiz: But the Orks are no pushovers. While they're disorganized and fragmented in clans, they're widespread and extremely numerous, but not only that, they're difficult to eliminate too. They always stay true to their words, which makes them the most successful species in the galaxy, always outnumbering their enemies by quadrillions. Sure they may get killed every day, but they always succeed, and even if they get killed, many more will take their place._

**Boomstick: And it's every day, unless you're in the Warhammer 40k universe that you can see an Ork, and avoid, cause he might kill you when he sees you, be you be a human, Eldar or even an Ork from another clan, cause Orks live and thrive on two things: Fighting and Winning a battle. Even if they have to fight each other, that is.**

_Wiz: And there is no other Ork as unique as Gunrunna da Sharpshoota._

_(Gunrunna appears in an orange flash, smoking and loading his machine gun)_

(Gunrunna: Roight. 'oo'ze next fer da killin'?!)

**Boomstick: But Guns didn't really start off as that. He was born in a world where humans and mobians from Sonic the Hedgehog lived as equals, as an Italian Mobian hedgehog known as... Leonardo.**

_Wiz:_ _Y__es, Leonardo di Reznov da Firenze, a Mobian hedgehog with some human genes, who had no friends._

**Boomstick: Yeah, like Spider Man, the guy had no one to talk to in school. He was a loner, never talked to anyone and even the bullies in his school didn't even bother him. He pretty much hanged out with his grandpa, Reznov, all the time, like he was a dad to him. Damn, who knew that your grandpa can be your dad, even MY dad never treated me like that.**

_Wiz: Regardless, Reznov was more of a father to Leonardo than Leonid, his son, was. He often hanged out and took Leonardo everywhere with him, from fishing from the cliffs, taking him to the train to school and even driving him to the fields Leonardo always loved to go._

**Boomstick: *tearfully* My dad never took me out to those things! Lucky bastard!**

_Wiz: And since Reznov was always there when Leonid rarely paid attention to Leonardo and Maria, Reznov's daughter in law, did so on weekends, Leonardo had the happy life he always wanted. But it wasn't going to last forever._

**Boomstick: *Wipes off tears and clears throat* Yeah, see when Leo got older, his parents died in a car crash accident, leaving Rez to take care of Leonardo until he died 2 years later, leaving Leonardo an orphan at 18. So he sold everything his family owned and with help of his ex-girlfriend, Elise del Sierre, he moved on to serve in the army, not the Italian army, the Russian Army.**

_Wiz: He joined the Speznaz for 6 months, then to the army but was medically discharged after being wounded to battle, then he went on to apply to the US Army, where he joined the Rangers, Force Recon, Navy SEALs, the Marines and then the prestigious and oldest US division ever, the Big Red One. But he was medically discharged again after almost dying in battle, and doctors concluded that he couldn't go back into the front._

**Boomstick: But it wasn't over for Leo yet. Thanks to his assassin training inherited by his dead grandpa, he was given a shot in the Freedom Fighters, where he served as support, spy and assassin. His brilliance in the battlefield made him unstoppable, seemingly.**

_Wiz: But it didn't last long. During his battle against Doctor Eggman with the help of a young and inexperienced Sonic the Hedgehog, Leonardo sacrificed himself to save Sonic when he pushed Sonic out of the way from an incoming black hole from an experimental cannon that Eggman was using._

**Boomstick: But unfortunately for Doctor Tubby, it didn't destroy Leo's soul. **

_Wiz: And so, he was set adrift in the Warp. Where he met Gork and Mork, the twin Ork gods._

**Boomstick: What's so special about them?**

_Wiz: Here's how they work. Gork is the god of brutal cunning, which directly means brute force and savagery over anything else, Mork is the god of cunning brutality, which correlates to deception, trickery and strategy and intelligence. In contrast, Gork emphasizes brutality and Mork represents cunning, in equal measure._

**Boomstick: All that with one of the most badass war cries ever.**

(Gunrunna: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!)

**Boomstick: That one!**

_Wiz: The WAAAGH! itself is more than just a battle-cry, it is a warband, a crusade and a gestalt psychic field. Though the warband thing is separate and disorganized, it's crusade part is also the easiest part as Orks tend to destroy, ravage and pretty much-_

**Boomstick: Destroy everything in their path, be they friend and foe alike. But what is with the psychic field thing?**

_Wiz: It's complicated. See, the WAAAGH as a psychic gestalt field pretty much serves as a power that makes an Ork's belief to reality, making it some sort of reality warping psychic field. For instance, if an Ork says that his gun will shoot, then it WILL shoot._

**Boomstick: So it's like some kind of power thing that actually makes things come true based on what an Ork believes.**

_Wiz: Precisely. And the Orks themselves have more emphatic with color._

**Boomstick: ****Like 'da red wuns go fasta!' thing?**

_Wiz: Yes indeed. Orks believe that the color red, which emphasizes speed. Blue is the Orkish belief for luck, Yellow is the belief of firepower or wealth, and purple is the belief of stealth, as Orks claim that nobody has seen an Ork painted in purple before._

**Boomstick: Well fortunately for Leo, Gork and Mork wouldn't dare bash him around like Whack-A-Mole, so they conviened enough to fuse their powers on Leonardo, mutating and turning him into a super Ork, without the size growth of course.**

_Wiz: Even so, they bestowed him the reality warping powers of the WAAAGH!, instilling him a energy field that never runs out, without giving him psychic powers, which alone gives him the physique greater than that of the largest Ork ever created, mostly more stronger, faster and more durable and much more powerful than the Beast, the giant Ork, not the X-Man_,_ though it didn't make him bigger and stronger physically. _

**Boomstick: On that day, Leonardo died, and Gunrunna was born!**

_Wiz: That's right. But he didn't start off as just a basic warrior, he was the best of the best, but he wasn't remembered so well due to his Blood Axe status. _

**Boomstick: He's the most active of the Sonic Guard! Plus, with his 10 thousand years worth of experience, Gunrunna has done so well, achieving more than the regular Warboss, or even what Ghazghkull can do! He's beaten and slaughtered trillions of armies of all the species of the 40k universe, rarely his fellow Orks, defeated ALL of the most venerable champions of the galaxy whose experiences go way back before the present time itself, sometimes claiming their heads, but mostly he keeps the bloodstained versions of their precious things, all lined up in his trophy rack! He's defeated giants like Roboute Guilliman and Failbaddon, Kharn, and basically, every champion out there, like Ciphas Cain and Sebastian Yarrick. Hell, he also beat Ghazghkull himself too, after Yarrick.**

_Wiz: He's strong enough to rip out a million ton adamantium gate and throw both away like garbage, punch an Imperator Titan to pieces, and fast enough to beat a Warbike in a race. He's also durable enough to withstand blows and fatal hits that can kill a normal Ork like pebbles thrown softly against his skin._

**Boomstick: I'll say! He's survived being stabbed by Rob G, tanked thousands of laser fire and still march on slaughtering the fools shooting at him, endured being burned alive at a refinery and lived after being run over by a horde of bikers.**

_Wiz: This prompted Gork and Mork to give Gunrunna a place in the Sonic Guard: a group of which Gunrunna was enthusiatic to join after being bored of fighting the same species over and over again. So he joined them in the hopes of meeting newer and stronger enemies to fight them, of course. _

**Boomstick: Damn, I love this guy. Guns himself made a place as the best warrior of the Sonic Guard, so who else is next in his shit list? The Harem, of course!** **But he can't just go to battle unless he has the right tools for the job.**

_Wiz: Gunrunna's packing your usual Ork weaponry, which he often modifies with the scrap of his enemies to increase their efficiency in battle. These may be ramshackle and outdatingly crude, but they make up their lack of finesse for raw and extremely effective, yet comical power, often able to obliterate even the strongest beings ever._

**Boomstick: He carries his trademark signature Dakkameister, a heavy machine gun that obliterates anything and anyone with just a lot of holes blasted in, Tactical Fing, which he uses, for well, tactical situations, which is modified with a sight, a mini launcher to fire mini rockets, grenades and concussive shots, a shoulder mounted turret like weapon called the Deffgun in a wide varieties: Auto, Plasma, Beamy, Dakka, Heavy, and Kannon, and a shitload of explosive potato mashers called Stikkbomms.**

_Wiz: These Stikkbomms are based on the German Stielhandgranate used on both World Wars, and Gunrunna carries a wide variety of them with ease, like Frag, Krak, Melta, Smoke, Flash, Incendinary. He even invented and used Stikkbomm varities like the Cryo, Nuclear and his most riskiest: Antimatter Stikkbom__m, which can obliterate and distintegrate even immortal beings. His reality warping is godlike insane too! He can do what most gods do to bend reality to their will also, but he's not a god himself. Also, he can also control a person's well being, sever their sources of power from within, mostly by tampering with their souls, and take away powers in a single grip without touching the person. _

**Boomstick: But Guns is a real Mekboy, which are like the Ork inventors responsible for inventing and innovating the wacky Ork technology. He's got a gadget strapped at his left forearm, capable of** **force field, teleportation, calling down turrets to bolster defense and CALL DOWN METEORITES FROM THE SKY! No, really, he can literally call down meteors straight out from the sky. Hell, he's smart, creative and resourceful enough to create death machines from junk and scrap and then use them for battle, and fast enough to make these machines in an instant. He even made a giant robot that tore apart a giant Hive Fortress. He's a fucking genius!**

_Wiz: Shit, Gunrunna's really packing heavy firepower. But he's also extremely versatile, often switching from ranged to melee combat which is dependent in the combat situation he's in. Not only is he a master of hand to hand combat, he's also capable in using certain weapons, like knives, machetes, which meant his own personalized serrated machete, axes and chain weapons. Even then, he's a master of whatever weapon he gets his hands on._

**Boomstick: Chain weapons? Like the Rope Dart and the Kusarigama?**

_Wiz: No, more like weapons that can be used as chainsaws, like the chainsword._

**Boomstick: Holy moly! Those weapons really are dangerous. Leatherface would want to kill for those kinds of weapons. Anyway, for all that, Gunrunna's extremely capable in going to battle. He's got the highest kill count in the Harem more so than his fellow Sonic Guardsmen, fired down from an exposed position which took those bitches by surprise, tanked tons of blows and powers from the Harem's heavy hitters like Wonder Woman without a problem and hold his ground and overpower the Harem's martial artists. Hell, he even fought Scarlet Witch in a reality warping battle and still prevailed despite being wounded.**

_Wiz: He's also killed their most formidable warriors, like Pyrrha Nikos and Bayonetta, showed up often to keep them away from Sonic and executed a critically wounded Cinder Fall... not personally._

**Boomstick: Damn, this guy is really the toughest son of a bitch of the Sonic Guard. But he's not really perfect in any way.**

_Wiz: That being said, Gunrunna's casual drawback is usually his misunderstood talking, which he often exploits to ensure his enemies don't use weak points against him. And even if his armor is tough, it doesn't cover everything._

**Boomstick: And just because he was imbued with the psychic gestalt power of the WAAAGH!, DOESN'T really mean he has psychic powers. But he does have the will to resist even the strongest psychics and gods. His reality warping is a separate universal power, rather than a psychic kind.**

_Wiz: But one thing stands out the most:_

_(Gunrunna clutches his head as he screams in agony, falling at his knees)_

_Wiz: He's mentally unstable, but no, he's not insane either. He's also conflicted by his morality, whose good side speaks out of the genocidal actions done by him while the evil side justifies all those actions with what reason and evidence he has._

**Boomstick: Still, even with those flaws, Gunrunna is a one of a kind badass Sonic Guardsman. There's nothing too extreme that he can't do.**

(Gunrunna: I alwayz stand, az a Sonik Guardsman alwayz standz!)

_(Gunrunna shouted a war cry and slashed at the neck of Pyrrha Nikos, which cuts through the armor and sliced a laceration in her throat, as a long gush of blood spews out of it wildly)_

* * *

**AN: Damn, who knew I could write this one? Anyway.**


End file.
